Date: Sun, 17 Mar 96 19:30:03 EST
From: mha@memory.ithaca.ny.us (Mark H. Anbinder)
Subject: Your starship captain might be...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny

[Forwarded by my friend Rick; original author unknown.]

Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if...

• your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
• he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
• you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
• he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
• he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
• he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
• he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
• he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
• he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
• he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
• he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
• he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
• he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
• he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
• he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
• he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
• he paints the starship John Deere green
• he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
• he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
• his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
• he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
• his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
• he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
• his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies
• he sets phaser to "Cajun"

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